Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
