i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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