seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need to align my fucking chakras
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
