Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
