Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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