the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
