Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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