me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
