the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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