this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
