Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
