she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
