ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
