Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
