you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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