billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
