please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
