i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
