I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
