Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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