420 ftw
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
