My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
