i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
