I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
whose parrot is this?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
