My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Randomize
