Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
