I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
