I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
