I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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