oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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