Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
