My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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