I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
cat food counts as protein by the way
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
