Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
