Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
organizing the empties. That sober.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
