some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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