what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize