a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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