my being single is dangerous.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
