I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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