Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize