i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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