So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
