No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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