Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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