maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
