Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
