he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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