I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
