But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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