So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
