it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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