he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
