I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
