I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
