Jerry, you need to find god
I wish I only lived at night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
