my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
only you would photoshop your dick
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
