just tell him i said nine months
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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