Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
