also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
