In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
