Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
