all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my shit smells like andre
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
