And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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