She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
