her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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