I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
