The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
