You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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