So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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