I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
And then he peed in my hair
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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