hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
