I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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