guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
