I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
