Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
