it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
