Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
