The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
