There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
