do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize