if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
