So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i think my cat just said my name.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
