can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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