You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize