That's when you crack a 10am beer
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
