I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize