I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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