I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
