I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
