I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
