Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
