He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
