Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize