He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
