"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
